first coffee, jd muffan, 200mg caffeine. 30g Bolthouse mango protein shake betw 10~11, second coffee and another 200mg pill ~2pm.

Can't say when exactly I started using caffeine pills like an "on demand" anxiolytic, except for depressed mood and low energy. I think it was somewhere in March or April. It was not a rigorous initiative. What I've found is:

• It helps improve focus, but there's cognitive-behavioral work needed too
  
• It is not triggering anxiety / panic
  
• Unsurprisingly, it reliably supports energy... duh
  
• Not sure but I have a theory it's helping me release emotions, ancient and more recent, negative and positive. It takes energy to process, especially anger/shame that's been stuffed for years or even decades. Having more energy means accelerated processing? I give myself permission to cry when I feel like it, and know it will pass.