thu pt. 2 posted: Thu 2017-08-10 10:57:36 tags: healing
2011 Liz Mullinar TEDxNewy: Childhood trauma...
- is highly correlated (70-90%) with adult bipolar disorder, depression, suicide, et al
- happens overwhelmingly in the family - only 1% "stranger danger" or religious abuse
- responds to therapy - 45% reduction in mental-health crises, 5 years after a short program

2015 Benjamin Perks TEDxPodgorica: Prevalence and mitigation of Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE)

I'm not sure I can line up behind the claim that ANY exposure to sexually explicit material as a minor constitutes "abuse". There are certainly abusive ways that such material can be pushed on minors, to desensitize, or to create a "shared secret" that the abuser can leverage to manipulate the victim.

II. Healing and recovery for child abuse survivors
2016 Fire Brown TEDxGreenville: What healing for abuse survivors looks like
1in6.org: Clinical "road map" for trauma recovery therapy

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AlAnon mtg / St. Mark's
"beginner" mtg 7-7:30; "regular" 7:30-8:30
Topic: "Relationships"
- The recovery community helps us learn that an ongoing and growing "relationship with self" is valid, normal, valuable and important.

- All the things that define or contribute to a relationship in the common sense, are applicable to a relationship with self: hence self-care, self-help, self-respect, self-worth, intentionally scheduling "me time", self-acceptance, self-love, self-forgiveness

When the chair said we would go around the room sharing on the topic, one thing that sprang to mind is the foundational rationale of the recovery community: the addict starting out on the road to recovery accepts they cannot overcome addiction on their own, sometimes phrased "your best thinking got you here". They need the input, support, inspiration, and insight born of experience of people who have already overcome addiction. In short, they need to form new relationships to meet inner needs they have failed to satisfy from within. And this dovetails with the lesson of the Rat Park Experiments: isolation is toxic to an inherently social organism. The antidote is reconnection.

We who come to AlAnon or ACOA/DF groups, do so because we are troubled by the complications of addiction and dysfunction in our relationships. So "relationships" is a huge topic to try to address. There's almost nothing pertinent you can talk about in 12 Step programs that doesn't have to do with relationships.

I started scribbling some notes about humans being fundamentally social animals: born helpless and utterly dependent; absolutely requiring socialization as part of our normal healthy development.

Then a sheet of questions for discussion passed my way, and the one that jumped out at me was "Is my stubbornness helping my relationships?" So I spoke on stubbornness as a double-edged sword: on one hand, when we're trying to CONTROL what's not genuinely our own to control, then yes, stubbornness is toxic and can lead us to manipulative tactics. But when we're defending our boundaries or even just honoring our intuition in a situation that feels subtly not-right, stubbornness is going to be integral to healthy self-respect, self-care, self-worth.

So then, Hell Yeah - learning to stubbornly dig my heels in, when I felt like my autonomy or boundaries were being eroded, has absolutely benefitted my relationships. A relationship that hinges on me being a doormat, or endlessly ignoring MY gut feelings to extend to OTHERS the benefit of the doubt, is a relationship that NEEDS help. Integrity takes the form of stubbornness sometimes.

One person shared their growing consciousness, perhaps informed by outside therapy, of how they often gave in relationships in order to receive. One veteran responded to say it's perfectly OK to give in order to receive. If I was more inclined to crosstalk I would have chimed in to name that arrangement: "contract".

Another observed how dynamics we accept or even enjoy in some relationships, such as cutesy pleading between child and parent, we may find nauseating or infuriating in other relationships.