#000000 Friday posted: Fri 2017-11-24 10:41:26 tags: healing, time use
Quite some time ago I took the "Love Languages" inventory to learn my "languages" in order of preference are:
9	Physical Touch
9	Quality Time
8	Acts of Service
3	Words of Affirmation
1	Receiving Gifts

Miss Cupcake's, by contrast, are:

12	Acts of Service
7	Quality Time
5	Receiving Gifts
4	Words of Affirmation
2	Physical Touch

"Knowing" this is not the same as "having an email filed away to refer to when I randomly think of it". I have a lifelong weakness for filing information away as a sort of "backup memory", without actually integrating it. Really "knowing" her "love language", or my own for that matter, is not useful unless I apply that knowledge somehow.

This ties into a more general issue of "intentional living". I arrived in adulthood having heard, of course, that "time is money", time is "precious", etc. But I don't think anyone connected the following dots for me: money is valuable so we plan carefully how to leverage it, ergo if we value time then we should plan its use just as carefully.

It was probably the irregular schedules of college that got me started in dayplanning. Mom and Dad gave me little to model in terms of intentionally filling a calendar. They didn't attend church, hobbyist clubs, or pretty much anything. Leisure time was usually spent in disconnected, passive pastimes - Mom reading or doing crosswords upstairs, Dad watching TV downstairs. Aside from the annual beach vacation week and occasional visits with extended family for holidays, birthdays, county fair, graduations - there was not much planning for things-to-do. Dad might or might not run off for a weekend or more, to hunt or fish, in season. Dad, with or without Mom, might or might not run off to work on his "system" in the casinos for a weekend any time of year.

Many times in my day-plan efforts I penciled in time to do something work-ish for my own self-improvement: lift weights or jog, dust off math or language skills, teach myself music, etc. Rarely did it click. Failing at self-starting got so discouraging that the planning itself felt like a pointless time-waste. I put a lot of thought into brainstorming "self-improvement" but failed to emotionally imbue these plans with the crucial "bring it on" attitude.

So getting back to "love language" intentional practice... I want to become more fluent and spontaneous in Miss Cupcake's foremost "languages", but absent a habit of turning to a day-plan to use time on intentional efforts, that "want" is an empty pious mouthing.