sat posted: Sat 2018-06-09 06:02:12 tags: dreams, cats,
Fri morning: dreamed I fumbled over raise negotiations and ended up pitching for 35 instead of 45K.

Sat morning: It was xmas eve and i hadn't done my gift shopping and i was going to visit gamer girl. This was shitty of me, since I was already seeing miss cupcake, but i told her i was going to visit family or something. On line at the airport there was a bjoerk song playing with lines about another woman, "cheating is glory, asking for more, can't fight the bliss, the succubus kiss". I can only assume my sleeping brain entirely fabricated this stunning poetry, in bjoerk's voice even.

Calvin's Paws cat shelter / Raleigh

Research from France suggests sullen silence in workplace scenarios is a coping mechanism when the subject feels the organisation doesn't support them

"Do you want to X" doesn't have to be toxic or manipulative, but it certainly CAN be. If I address the implication and respond "it sounds like YOU want to X, we can do that", then I get met with anger. But if I DON'T, and just respond "OK", well let's just say I've navigated this drama enough times to know that the narrative becomes "I thought you wanted to X" if I don't take enthusiastic ownership. So I'm damned if I do make my lack of enthusiasm clear, and damned if I don't.

It took me til today to realize that pretty much the whole 10-week course of therapy with Dawn was: attribute the underlying cause of chronic punctuality struggles to passive-aggression, without calling it that; diagnose it as symptomatic of repressed anger; send me to Al-Anon for free group therapy. I think it would have been a whole lot more helpful to me to hear "when we see chronic infraction patterns like this, we treat it as passive-aggressive and there's a good success rate with X route of therapy". But I suppose a blunt diagnosis can often be received as judgmental, and damage or blow up the therapeutic relationship.