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sat posted: Sat 2018-09-29 07:49:22 tags: tech
ask Kim about what I should be being proactive about - opening and funding estate account, etc.
Kim said she trusts my judgment, I'm capable of Googling basic steps, and I'm not stuck

talk about bills

mail forwarding ordered
filing filed, office nook reorganized

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SignalVsNoise blog: There is such a thing as being too helpful
Rule #1 of being genuinely helpful: Respect the wishes of the person you’re trying to help.

WeddingBee forums: engineer and wife resents husband trying to "help" (manage, take over) uninvited

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Since work has a fairly well-developed remote access infrastructure, and I've gotten so used to working on multiple monitors there, I decided I'd like a roomy second monitor at home. They lent me a 21.x" spare to do some work-from-home. Then they bought my cubemate a 27" external monitor to replace her flaky secondary, only to figure out almost immediately it was the d-sub cable, not the monitor itself. Her flickering issues continued to the replacement monitor and ceased as soon as we switched it to the HDMI port.

The Dell Precision M4800 supports up to 3840 x 2160 resolution (aka 4K x 2K). In the space we have, anything more than 30" is probably just too big; 27" would be ample.

One of my Bookbub deals of the day was "The Urban Monk" - self-help book that promises "the calm of a zen master" for "your busy life" with a prescription of "meditations, exercises, and rituals". The problem here is, if you don't already have strong habits of structure, then a book of time-consuming exercises is probably not going to stick for long.

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There's an old joke that goes something like "you can build houses and play golf your whole life and people won't necessarily think of you as an architect or golfer... but suck one little dick and suddenly you're a cocksucker for life"

Coincidentally, my mother called my father a cocksucker once in a moment of anger that we kids certainly shouldn't have overheard, a moment that wouldn't even have happened if my father hadn't been prone to get intoxicated on the power he exercised over her. He probably was not a literal cocksucker at any time in his life, and even if he did have any same-sex encounters I think that's a stupid thing to consider an insult. But if your most heinous deeds brand you for life, then he was a rapist many times over, undoubtedly an adulterer, a wife-beater, a child abuser.

In the same way I can confess that I have lied at times (haven't we all?) and engaged at times in petty theft - so am I a liar and a thief? Not a practicing one. All I can say is I repented, and I have no means to make restitution to Bradlees for price-ticket-switched Lego sets 40 years ago, or to my mother for shortchanging her for cigarette money, but when I had my spiritual renaissance at least I tried to "work it off" in community service.

I don't know what charity or community service my father engaged in that might atone for his grievous predations. I have no evidence that charity was a value to him at all. His version of "charity" was "duty" - supporting his parents when they couldn't make a better life for themselves, and visiting Uncle Dan a few times at the VA hospital. But his apologies ("If I ever did anything to hurt anyone") fell flat when he "pled nolo" and blamed it all on a "Mr. Hyde" side he claimed not to be able to remember. I don't believe the Reaganesque "I don't remember". I believe if he ever genuinely "repented" of his predatory sense of sexual entitlement, it wasn't until his sex drive was so dried-up that it was a meaningless convenience.

In the end our tools to get right with each other, and thereby get right with Christ's teachings, are confession, repentance and amends. There's a Christian foundation to the 12 Steps. The amends fall flat if you take the steps out of order: acknowledge the reality that you DID harm others, and THEN make the amends.