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wed posted: Wed 2018-10-24 06:14:55 tags: n/a
water Zena

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The other day I happened across an article (or was it a video) about a survey where many subjects responded that in an first-date or early dating history scenario, a good credit score was more attractive than stereotypical cues (fitness, pretty face, etc.) I didn't dig in to learn about the methodology but I suspect some flaws. First, this doesn't map to real-world dating because credit rating is kind of a don't-ask-don't-tell thing, isn't it? I would be a bit offended or at least leery if someone I barely knew asked about my emergency funds, debt-to-income ratio or credit score. And fair or not, I would probably judge them as materialistic and stuck-up if they bragged about theirs. The online dating arena is already a minefield of grifters without shining a spotlight on your financials.

Second, I don't think that many people would say "credit score" if you asked them simply "what do you notice most in a partner on the early dates". I think there was a leading multiple-choice or "rank these traits in order of desirability" question. There are red flags, e.g. treating servers as subhuman; and green-light traits - they have enduring hobbies/interests, an emotional support network, similar ideological alignment, respectable steady job, etc. Even then you don't know, maybe they have a steady job and don't drive a total junker but are they drowning in debt? But in the early dates we're mostly just gauging whether we can feel safe, desired, respected around this person. Do they have a nice smile? A grating voice? Well-groomed or perhaps grunge-chic if you're into that?

Third, I think a lot of people wade into dating without a crystallized laundry list of dealbreaker and negotiable partner traits, and many of those who do, don't stick to them. We connect and bond with partners for largely unconscious or semi-conscious reasons, often even in spite of bumpy issues that would be dealbreakers if we were strictly principled and rational creatures.