5:30a? protein cinnamon cocoa 15g and fiber toes
~9:15 I felt distinctly hungry.
10-1030a: 3 sets of 12 waist-height incline pushups. Focus is on proper form, breathing, controlled pace.
11:30a: turkey bacon cheddar burger on ciabatta
3:30p - feeling distinctly hungry again.
robovac
weed ebooks wishlist / catalog
resupply wet / topper dog food; fizz-keeper
trash out
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A few weeks back I worked out some thoughts on r/AdultChildren about having gone low-contact with my narcissist father, for my own mental well-being, while at the same time having energy and heart enough to run the monthly LBOM "Fourth Sunday" and serving in other efforts. In short - how was it that I had energy to care for strangers but not my own kin? Because the cognitive dissonance of pretending everything was OK between my father and I was that enormous of an emotional energy drain and when I stopped pretending, I recovered enough to start taking better care of myself AND even a little overflow to serve others in need.
The point of distancing was not that I saw my father as subhuman, or felt he deserved anything in particular. But rather, that the ways his illness manifested kept me from healing. Were there sociopaths and narcissists in the homeless community too? Why yes, ultimately those are mental illnesses and being very hard to treat (because part of the illness is that the person thinks it's strategic), those illnesses put people at especial risk for social and economic marginalization.
But those sociopaths and narcissists at least weren't trying to convince me that the abuse I witnessed -
didn't happen; wasn't that bad; wasn't a big deal; was beyond his control; wasn't intentional; was her own fault
So today, that vis-a-vis fantasizing about fleeing the coming bubbastorm vs. bunkering and being here for my country. No question that it's a time of need for my like-hearted majority countryfolk. Because there should be no question that sheer volume of pollution washing up in the political tides reflects a pervasive spiritual illness. The only question is whether I have been so wounded by the predatory system of oligofascism that I can't bear to keep shoveling against the tide.
By sheer numbers, if everyone eligible actually voted, and their votes weren't manipulated by gerrymandering and an electoral college system conceived centuries ago to enshrine a pre-industrial social vision, America is still predominantly liberal. America is still more my tribe than not. It's a time of need for my tribe, for sure, and I can't do a lot being just one person but I'm not running away just yet. I'm not abandoning 200 million people for the sake of 130 million various propagandized con victims and brownshirt-wannabes.
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