I was getting especially mixed signals the past few days, so when D.- seemed unusually interested in catching me at home, my guts knotted. I hoped it was something else, and that I'd be pleasantly surprised and relieved. But no, my intuition was spot-on.
Most civilized breakup in my life.
June 10, 2009 - Nov 20, 2012. It was so nice while it lasted. :(
And inescapably, you wonder - what did I do wrong, was it this, was it that, would it all be different if I had done X, or not said Y? If I'd moved a year earlier, would we be happily shacked up by now, or would it just have been a greater height to fall from? When I was younger I probably would have demanded answers. At this point in my life I'm afraid answers would be academic at best.
I was about to launch into how Thanksgiving is a time for reflection on what we can be thankful for, and despite this phase-change I still have so much for which to give thanks. But you know what, me being me, every fucking day is a time for reflection. My birthday; Arbor Day; Christmas and New Year's Day; Labor Day, Veteran's Day, Independence Day, every weekend, and many a weekday to boot. Reflection is OK in moderation, approached with respect and focus. But analysis, as they say, can all too easily lead to paralysis. And no one is more keenly, ineffably aware than I of my tendency to bog down in analysis.
So you know what, fuck Thanksgiving reflection. Gratitude has never been my strong suit. Gonna stick a feather in a hotdog and call it turkey, augment that with Wild Turkey 101 and wooo feast. I paid my mental lip-service long in advance. I'm emotionally tapped and in no mood for pious dissembling.
I know, very pastoral of me. Remember, I became ordained to officiate weddings, not to bear breakups with grace.